I was released at 8:00pm last night. My home is a loud, big ass oxygen machine now. There are tanks and miles of tubing through out the house.
I wanted to go upstairs first thing and get my yoga pants on but when I put my foot on the step, I could not figure out how to push my self up to the next step. I am physically depleted. This morning, I feel emotionally depleted as well.
I really have not processed what has just happened to my health. I'm not even sure how to start that journey. I have 4-6 weeks short term disability now. This covers 90 % of my salary so that helps, but I've never missed more than 4 days of work in a row. I think "helpless" is the scary word I'm looking for.
It seemed easier in the hospital to stay in the day, in the moment, take on "just" the next thing. I will have to get myself back to that frame of mind to figure all this out.
I got two full hours of sleep last night....yahoo!
I am grateful for the paid time off to heal, for my neighbors who are all doing everything they can think of to help, for my husband who just knows when I've had enough and he takes over, for my Theo who could not get enough licks on my face.