Friday, August 3, 2012

This is how it is for me

OK...so very tired of fretting. So very tired of this self-centered, self-imposed stress over the workshop.

I'm going to pack this morning and I will be leaving at about noon.  I have run through a dozen scenarios of having someone call the Convention Chair and say that my fever is much too high to leave my bed.  At midnight last night, I had the "thought" that if I drank a 6 pack of beer, it would disqualify me as a presenter of a sober event.  I am 21 years clean and sober and my mind was finally cornered enough that it came up with that.  I got out of my bed and on to my knees and asked God to come to the Convention with me, stand beside me and hold my pants up.  I felt the Grace of God as I always do when I go to him in with a desperate plea of help.

My underlying feeling here is guilt.  Guilt that I did not use the time allotted to me to come up with a fabulous workshop.  Instead, I waited to the last minute to prepare and I feel that I am disrespecting the fellowship by throwing something together.  I can not fight guilt, it is stronger than me and produces nothing but more guilt.  Feeling bad is the best you can hope for when guilt is involved.  So I will take action.  I will be of service the entire weekend where I am needed.  I will look for the tasks that need to be done and not the ones I like doing.  I will hug a boat load of new comers.  I will present a workshop to the best of my ability because I was asked to do so.  I will share my loving God with anyone who wants to hear about him.  I will put a safety pin at the top of my pants......just in case.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sending lots of smoochie love your way.

Syd said...

Pammie, good luck. It will be a great time and a great workshop. It is the way it's supposed to be--and God will be with you every step of the way.

dAAve said...

Rule 62.

luluberoo said...

Bon Voyage, Pammie Paint Rock. Knock their socks off

(I'm big on guilt too;(

Mary LA said...

Travel safely Pam and I know the workshop will go brilliantly. A big hug.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Love you Pammie! Have a wonderful time. God is everything or nothing... and that means you have a whole amazing and miraculous experience ahead because I believe in your heart you know which side is the truth is on! :)

Annette said...

What if you went and opened your presentation with the admission that you waited until the last minute to prepare and you are sorry. Get it out and over with and then go on with your meetin! Clear the air. Then start huggin and holdin and laughin and havin fun with all of your other less than perfect club members. ;o) You are loved Pammie....thats enough. There is grace for us not doing everything perfectly....don't you think? I've been banking on that for a long time!

Anonymous said...

Just be honest with the group before you present. You are human and these are your peeps and if you get up there and let them know before you start that you have been really anxious about this presentation and for them to go easy on you, they will love you for your honesty and humility. Trust me. And, God's got you.

Marcia said...

Can't wait to hear how great it went!

Mary Christine said...

I am hoping to hear how this all turned out, very soon.