OK...so very tired of fretting. So very tired of this self-centered, self-imposed stress over the workshop.
I'm going to pack this morning and I will be leaving at about noon. I have run through a dozen scenarios of having someone call the Convention Chair and say that my fever is much too high to leave my bed. At midnight last night, I had the "thought" that if I drank a 6 pack of beer, it would disqualify me as a presenter of a sober event. I am 21 years clean and sober and my mind was finally cornered enough that it came up with that. I got out of my bed and on to my knees and asked God to come to the Convention with me, stand beside me and hold my pants up. I felt the Grace of God as I always do when I go to him in with a desperate plea of help.
My underlying feeling here is guilt. Guilt that I did not use the time allotted to me to come up with a fabulous workshop. Instead, I waited to the last minute to prepare and I feel that I am disrespecting the fellowship by throwing something together. I can not fight guilt, it is stronger than me and produces nothing but more guilt. Feeling bad is the best you can hope for when guilt is involved. So I will take action. I will be of service the entire weekend where I am needed. I will look for the tasks that need to be done and not the ones I like doing. I will hug a boat load of new comers. I will present a workshop to the best of my ability because I was asked to do so. I will share my loving God with anyone who wants to hear about him. I will put a safety pin at the top of my pants......just in case.