Thursday, February 16, 2012

Trying to keep the mojo

Postponing the end when you see it coming would be switching from Beam to beer, pills to weed.  It entails changing anything in our life that might give us the mojo to continue using, drinking, numbing the brain. Some people say we do all the "switching" when we are trying to cure the problem of over doing it or are trying to be like normal people.  My experience is that we start doing all the switching when we can see the ugly end of our using and we just want to postpone it for awhile.  Personally, I never thought about not going all the way to the end (incomprehensible demoralization), I just wanted to postpone it for as long as possible.  The fact that it was coming, was never a question in my mind.  The paradox?  It still shocked the shit out of me when it came and on the last few days of my using, I added tequila and hashish to my crack use, thinking that this combination would "smooth it all out" and make me normal. My brain came up with that brilliant idea. My brain was fried.

I try to remember all that when I'm in a meeting and newcomers are talking smack with their fried brains.

God has been so kind to me.

6 comments:

Mary Christine said...

Sometimes I forget about those fried brains. Thanks for the reminder.

Now there's TWO WORDS for VERIFICATION? Yikes.

Syd said...

Blogger has some fried brains with those words that robots aren't supposed to know.

Scary stuff that you went through. I'm glad that you survived and now have a brilliant brain.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Shoot I do this sober too. It's a deadly disease this thinking...

:) Grateful !!! Yup, grateful!

Annette said...

Your humility is a beautiful thing to behold my dear. It inspires me to keep my focus on my HP and not my own abilities or lack there of.

Also, thank you for my new word.."floopy." Love it!

Lou said...

you are writin' some dang good stuff.

maribelle said...

Oh my gosh, so true so true. I see this in my son. You offer such wisdom..thanks! I finally added another blog entry on Maribelles Musings. Still trying to find my rhythm with this bloggin' thing :)