Sunday, February 19, 2012

Serving the Necomer in a way that is helpful

I am having some major problems relating to newcomers who have asked me to sponsor them and I am having to take a hard and painful look at where I am right now in relation to this.  I am talking to women in their 3,4,5 years of sobriety and how they are relating to their sponsees and I am realizing that they are much more in tune with these new women.  I am hearing them talk on the same level as I used to be able to talk, but my memory of "feelings" is just not as strong as theirs. The very last thing in the world I want to do is short change a new comer, or be a dis-service to them.  I may need to go back to H & I meetings where we just present the beautiful program but aren't sponsoring the women in the room.  I may need to simply go to meetings and share my experience, strength and hope at the meeting then go home.  I may need to be one of those sponsors who just take women who are already firmly planted in sobriety, back through the steps or through the BB.  I know I have a place in the fellowship but it is becoming painfully clear that maybe my place isn't in sponsoring brand new sobriety.  I will just pray about this and let God show me "what's up."  God knows my heart and knows how much I love the newcomer so I'm sure he'll find a way for me to serve in a useful way.

8 comments:

dAAve said...

That's a pretty good problem to have. I'll bet when it's all said and done, the right things will just happen.

Mike L. said...

Maybe the only thing you need to change is how you sponsor, not who you sponsor. I think too often people think there is only one way to sponsor. I don't find that in the BB -- in fact the word doesn't even show up in the first 164 pages. My basic approach is to try as best I can to find a way to help the man in front of me, a way that they can accept. Each man has a unique story and I don't need to fit him into mine. Don't give up on the newcomer -- to do so would mean not meeting your greatest teachers and friends. Take care!

Mike L
MikeLRecovery.blogspot.com

Annette said...

What a relief to not have to figure it out alone, huh.

Lou said...

The only thing Andrew wants in a sponsor is someone who understands the depths of his addiction by their own personal hell. The man who brought him back to NA (I mean, got him back in an honest way) was a black, 60 year old, ex felon, heroin addict. Andrew saw himself in that man's addiction.

Syd said...

In Al-Anon, getting a newcomer to get a sponsor is a huge thing. Most are foot draggers.

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

Most of the time people just need someone to listen and direct them back to the steps when they get off course.

I am sure you are an excellent listener and no one says a sponsor must have all the answer. Just the number or years you have is inspiration enough.

Mary Christine said...

I hear you sister. I made that decision several years ago. And people who have never been there will never understand the wrenching decision you are making.

Mary LA said...

Pam, I know one or two women with more than 20 years sober or clean who don't sponsor but do help with GSO work. The memory of my own last days drinking is still searingly fresh and I'd love to have it fade a little.