I had the most horrific dreams last night and at one point I was alone in a house with a man that I did not like but was pretending that I did and was fine with pretending. He was loading a gun and looked up at me with that "crazy look" that I've seen in more than one man in my life. I immediately went into a mode of talk and stance that implied I saw no craziness in him as to not provoke him further. It went on and on with me crawling under massive spider webs trying to sneak away without him noticing. I have been divorced from my abuser for 22 years but the dreams seem to have embedded themselves in my brain and refuse to acknowledge the judges signature.
Yesterday at work, I put on my headphones and listened to Eva Cassidy sing Songbird over and over until I finished a project I was working on. There are certain renditions of songs (this one is just her and an acoustical guitar) that sooth my frazzled nerves and this one is at the top of the list.
I am grateful for a new day. I will not live in fear today and I will take comfort when I need it, in ways that harm no one. God never moves, which makes it easy to find him 24 hours a day.