Fourteen years ago today, I was in the delivery room as my sober daughter had my only grand child. We were all afraid she would name him Pink Floyd. She named him Purple Haze. We call him Haze or Hazer. Sigh, and he is taller than me now. He and I went to see The Hobbit at the IMAX in 3D, it was awesome.
My oldest daughter is having her first child in a few months. On TV, and with my friends, everyone is so happy with the birth of a new baby in the family. Just thinking about it makes my blood pressure spike. The pain my daughter will feel when she has to go back to work and leave him. The pain and worry she will feel every time he is sick. Just the thought of him stubbing his toe on a tree root in the back yard makes my stomach hurt. My daughter would say "oh that's just life" but what I want to tell her and can't is that WHEN A NEW BABY COMES, LIFE BECOMES ONE HURT AND PAIN AFTER ANOTHER.
How awful for her that I am all used up. I can not invest all that "feeling" again......I can't even find all that "feeling" anymore. Wow, way to go Pam! Start off the new year whining.
OK. On the other hand, this could be the greatest year ever!
11 comments:
All that may change when you lay eyes on the new baby. Happy New Year Pammie!
Pammie....I knew I loved you for a reason. We are long lost soul sisters. You know...Alanon really helped me with a lot of that love pain.
Grandbabies open up reserves you didn't know you have. Reserves of energy and love and patience. My oldest one opened a reserve of strength in me that I needed to get sober.
Happy New Year, Pammie. Open up your arms, it's coming at ya whether you're ready or not, you might as well embrace it.
I am glad not to know that pain and worry. I am better not being so anxious about a child. Much better off about that.
The pain and terror of loving, I know that too.
Take care, dearest Pam
Pammie, Lately I have been having the most horrific nightmares about my two older granddaughters. The simple fact is, they have two alcoholic parents, and at least two alcoholic grandparents, the other two are unknown - but likely problem people to have had their son taken away as an infant.
Yes, it is terrifying. But also wonderful. I am so excited about my son's soon to be son, I can hardly stand it. The first boy in my family for 36 years!
Hi Pammie,
I'm from Texas and was in London recently. I was told about you and your blog by someone I met there. Thought I'd stop in and say Hi!
Cyndee
Awesome post.
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