Wednesday, August 22, 2012 Ranting

My hippie/bohemian/multi tattooed/spiritual daughter, has 5 years clean and sober this week.  For those of you from my old blog............can you believe it?  Do you know what I did to cause this big ass miracle?  Not a damn thing.

I've had a difficult time reading responses "comments" on another blog this morning.  Non addicts having a wealth of scientific knowledge provided by a treatment "Industry."   Permission from some sort of authorities to do some sort of forced recovery on their addict children. 

I am a drug addict.  My brain is wired for addiction.  My 21 years clean has not wiped out the pain and misery of the past, nor has it wiped out the allure either.  Getting high still sounds damn good to me.  The consequences of getting high make me do everything in my power to stay connected to God so that I will have the "God given Power" to choose differently.

My daughter is a drug addict.  Her brain is wired for addiction.  I can respond to her in any old way I want a Mother, and it will not re-wire her brain.  The boundaries we set for ourselves are just "ours."  They don't have a magic power over the addict.  "If I refuse to help the addict while they are using then they will magically hit a bottom and begin the recovery process."  If that is "THEIR" boundary then fine, but there is not a magic power in this.  No one prays for magic cures more than the parents of drug addicts.

Help your addict or don't help your addict. There is no magic in either decision. I know they appear to be idiots but they are not.  An addict is very very resourceful. You are sometimes a resource.

OK....I know I'm rambling.  I see these kids everyday.  I love on these kids and most of them I assure you are not very lovable!  Most of them don't want to give up the drugs.  Most of us didn't want to. It is not my responsibility to make someone want to stop using.  But I give you my word.....if your child comes into my meeting and says "help".............I will stop the world and scoop them up and teach them how "we" do it.
Of course, I had to pray that others would do that for my daughter........and they did.


Mary Christine said...

Amen Sister! I can't read most of those blogs because they make me so mad!

My darling one is sober today and I didn't (and don't) have a damn thing to do with it. It is none of my business.

I don't think normal people can understand that the addict's behavior is not really volitional. If they could do better, they would do better. And when they can, they will. And that may be never.

Anonymous said...

As a recovering alcoholic myself (3yrs this month) I also find that just because I failed to get a DUI, lost my job or cheat on my husband that many seem to think I am "not an alcoholic" After all, alcoholics only do terrible things to others and end up dead. Mind you, this even comes from my OWN family.

Its ludicrous! Just this past week I had an issue with my own father. He fails to see I am an ADDICT. I struggle still with the idea of getting drunk and just "enjoying" life once in a while. I always will.

I completely understand what you are saying! Congratulations on 21yrs! Congrats as well to your daughter for 5yrs. Keep it up!

dAAve said...

I'm still amazed at the number of recovering addicts/alcoholics that share about getting sober on their own will power. That's certainly NOT my story.

luluberoo said...

The parent community used to be kind and supportive of each other. When I came back with my 2nd blog, it had changed to mean and rude and full of cliches about enabling, rock bottom, etc.

I'm stunned when I read the parents who know what the addict is thinking! Wow...I have no f*c*in' idea what is going through the mind of person who is high on crack or heroin or a half liter of vodka.

You keep telling your truth Pammie. I'm so grateful you were here in 2005 when I first came on the blogs looking for a non judgmental place to process.

Annette said...

Oh Pam, first...I love you!

Second, I am sitting here thinking of ways I can get my girl over to Texas and into a meeting that your in so you can swoop in on her and love her up and show her that there is another way.

Everytime I read this line: "But I give you my word.....if your child comes into my meeting and says "help".............I will stop the world and scoop them up and teach them how "we" do it." I get an enormous lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I pray my girl meets her own Pam someday. You are a walking miracle Love.

Kary May said...

You been reading my blog? I'm not dealing with a child but a friend and I'm hearing lots of advice about not enabling her but I want to do what you say and scoop her up and love her and then of course take control of her life, her drinking, her checkbook, her kids...Somehow I will figure out the boundaries and still love her. Thanks Pammie.

Mary LA said...

So good to read you Pam -- us alcoholics and addicts have to do what we have to do. Those who care for us didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.

Joy said...

Thank you for this post. I can't tell you how much I needed to read it and the comments.

maribelle said...

Gosh...such perfect reminders for me today! Thank you so much. I really love your blog! Not sure what blogs you are talking about because I only read a few and not regularly; but regardless...this mattered to me, on this day!

maribelle said...

Me again...I reread it and it actually made me cry. That is what I hope for...for my son to make his way back to the rooms and for someone to love on him and scoop him up. Maybe someday.

Anonymous said...

I love the comment addicts are resourceful and you may be a resource , perfect description of what I see going on with my stepchildren and their father , Im going to quote you !!

Anonymous said...

I know the blog you speak of and she asks her readers for their input and opinions and that is what she gets. Yes, they seem to get frustrated because they have given the same advice for over two years and the same issues come up again and then she asks their opinion again. Don't get me wrong I pray for her son to recover as I pray for my child and all the addicted children, but if you don't want to hear what people think then don't ask the question on the blog.

I totally respect you Pam but your thoughts and opinions are not a one size fits all for all of the addicts out there either.

I do not give my opinion I can barely figure out what to do with my own addict, I know I can't tell every other parent what they should do.

Syd said...

I have no idea what works for an addict. I'm glad every day that we have no children. I would likely be a mess trying to deal with alcoholism/addiction in a child that I loved.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I love you Pammie, to me you are a wise, wild and wonderful woman and I'm glad we somehow connected in this bloggy world.

Especially since the behaviors I exhibit are sucky isms of trying on my own power to get it all right a lot of the time... still.

I still don't know how deep this stuff goes, and I'm grateful for those who also seem to understand and keep on participating even when I'm nuts, and are there when I ask for help.

I'm also glad I don't have to be perfect to wait for others to ask for help either. Good thing they got a great instruction manual for us :)

:) <3

Sheri said...

I operate on the "take what you need and leave the rest" statement. I think all comments are well-intentioned, some of them just do not work for me and what works for me will not work for someone else.
I love reading your blog and many many others. I too, hope my son finds a Pam in his recovery journey. I'm gald I did!

Anonymous said...

You have narrated a very sad story that brought tears to my eyes. What really goes through a parent when their child suffers from drug addiction or the effect of binge drinking. It is really painful!
Read More : parents of drug addicts

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