Sober daughter is having an awful time with her eye and is going in to see the retina specialist again this morning. It did not help when her regular eye doctor that does her glasses said "who the hell butchered your eye?" I go right to the guilt feeling of not knowing what I should do.
I had a long phone conversation with Brother yesterday. He is doing so well. He is starting to feel the awful pressure of all the outstanding ticket/no show to court warrants out on him. He now has a job to lose if picked up. Every ticket is either no insurance or no inspection sticker and there are no moving violations. The fines are up in the thousands. I go right to the guilt feeling of not knowing what I should do.
I don't care what anyone says, I boatload of money would cure a lot of my problems today. It may indeed create a whole host of new ones but at least I could clear this old shit off my plate.
I dug a big ass hole in my back yard last night with a small tool and planted some weird thing that I've had growing in a pot of 2 years. It reminded me of when I was young and in a very abusive marriage and living way the hell out in the country. I would take a spoon outside and dig until I could put my arm in the hole all the way up to my shoulder....that's a long way. It somehow helped me. When I first got sober, I landscaped an entire backyard using only a spoon. In conclusion, spoons are good for soup, cereal, medicine doses and hole digging.
It's a new day. I am praying that God knows my heart and the heart of my children. Oldest girl is in a state of medical/emotional stuff too, but she is very web savvy and I feel obligated to guard her privacy. The younger two have no room in their bohemian lives for computers and other such nonsense.
8 comments:
The only people who say money isn't important have tons of it. Money would solve every problem I have today - because the only real problems I have are financial.
I am glad you found a way to live through that marriage so that you are here today. A spoon in the garden - I never heard that before - but it would minimize back injuries!
I like the spoon story as sad as it probably was at the time. You worked with metal early on! Money is useful for sure. But I don't think that it can buy happiness. I've seen too much of the misery of those who think it can.
Your artwork is fascinating.
I don't know what to do about a number of things and people in my life. Money would help.
I used a spoon once to dig a hole to bury a cat that had been hit by a car. in the dark. That was a bad night.
But Pammie, it sounds like from what you share here, those things are on other people's plates. :o(
My H had a drug counselor who told how once she got clean, it took her years but she went back and made arrangements and paid everything back.
We are plum outta money from paying for stuff like you described...or else I would send you some so you could send it to Brother. Because thats how I roll.
The artwork is really nice. I hope you keep it.
thanks always for your honest assessment and comments.I didn't have a close family, now I long for one...probably too much. Both of the kids take advantage of that, but you know, I do it because I want to.
Maybe Brother could start with $15 a month like Andrew did. He went in person, and they gladly worked out a payment plan. After 2 years, the darn $15 a month is making a difference!
That is sooooooo cool, pammie~!
I could use a little more bohemian in my life, I think.
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