Friday, March 2, 2012
This that and a little of the other
Sober daughter is having an awful time with her eye and is going in to see the retina specialist again this morning. It did not help when her regular eye doctor that does her glasses said "who the hell butchered your eye?" I go right to the guilt feeling of not knowing what I should do.
I had a long phone conversation with Brother yesterday. He is doing so well. He is starting to feel the awful pressure of all the outstanding ticket/no show to court warrants out on him. He now has a job to lose if picked up. Every ticket is either no insurance or no inspection sticker and there are no moving violations. The fines are up in the thousands. I go right to the guilt feeling of not knowing what I should do.
I don't care what anyone says, I boatload of money would cure a lot of my problems today. It may indeed create a whole host of new ones but at least I could clear this old shit off my plate.
I dug a big ass hole in my back yard last night with a small tool and planted some weird thing that I've had growing in a pot of 2 years. It reminded me of when I was young and in a very abusive marriage and living way the hell out in the country. I would take a spoon outside and dig until I could put my arm in the hole all the way up to my shoulder....that's a long way. It somehow helped me. When I first got sober, I landscaped an entire backyard using only a spoon. In conclusion, spoons are good for soup, cereal, medicine doses and hole digging.
It's a new day. I am praying that God knows my heart and the heart of my children. Oldest girl is in a state of medical/emotional stuff too, but she is very web savvy and I feel obligated to guard her privacy. The younger two have no room in their bohemian lives for computers and other such nonsense.