Monday, January 9, 2012

Passing it back to God

Dear Diary,

Robert Redford told everyone in Hollywood that he wants to date me.  Daddy will probably say "no."

When I was in Junior High School, I started every diary page with that entry.  I still live in a make believe world at times.

I was in a true isolation mode yesterday and spent hours with the power washer on half a dozens rugs I had sprawled across the back deck.  Trying my best to use the loud gas engine noise and bone shaking vibrations to drown out the self pity and righteous indignation going on in my head.  It didn't much work.  The rugs are clean though.  At 5:00 two guys from my 5:30 meeting called and told me to get my ass to the meeting.  I said "no" I'm wet and tired.  They said "your leading" so come on.  Shit.  I threw on some dry clothes and lead a meeting and felt a hundred times better when I left.  Sometimes, it just works that way.

I am hoping that going back to work today will help me get my mind off sweet sober daughter and all the awful stuff she is going through right now and all the awful feelings I am having about not be able to fix her awful stuff.

I have handed the whole mess back to God.  I needed to mess with it for a while because you know how slow God can be when you're fretting.  It's just more than I know what to do with.  You know how people say "God won't give you more than you can handle?"  I don't agree with that, I think God gives us more than we can handle all the time just so we will have to go to him for help.

Let's make the best of this fresh new day.  If Robert calls, I'll have to break it to him that I'm married.

7 comments:

Syd said...

Whenever I don't want to go to a meeting, is when I need a meeting the most.

I won't tell you about my fantasies because I might get chided by a reader here. I used the word mindfuck on one of my posts and was told I was a naughty boy. If only they knew....

Kristin H. said...

I think you're absolutely right about what we are given by God.

Way to go with the rugs. They needed you, darlin'.

Mary Christine said...

I agree - I have had more than I could handle on more than one occasion.

I will pray for your girl and you. I am sorry for all she is going through.

Annette said...

**You know how people say "God won't give you more than you can handle?" I don't agree with that, I think God gives us more than we can handle all the time just so we will have to go to him for help.**

Love that Pam! I am praying for your girl. And you. I wish I could have brought my rugs over to give you more target practice with that power washer.

Lou said...

It's time for God to take over, Pammie Panhandle. I know it from experience.

Marcia said...

Maybe it's like a Catch-22...God knows what you can handle because he knows you will turn to Him, God looks in the eye of evil and says, "bring it on!"

tearlessnights said...

I sooooooooooo agrre with you about God allowing more than we can handle!!!!!!
And few things mess with us Mamas as when our kids are hurting...