Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Waiting patiently to catch a good break

I took daughter to the eye surgeon yesterday morning and it appears that all the stitches (yuck) are still in place and everything is healing fine.  No, they do not know why she is experiencing so much pain.  They gave us another kind of drops with a strong numbing effect and they really helped.  He told her that she is now married to the world of retina doctors for life.  He said she has a 70% chance of developing all these problems in the other eye and that both eyes will need to be seen on a regular basis for the rest of her life and to expect more of these same problems with the eye she just had surgery on.

This is the week that my only grandchild (her son) gets to come to Houston to stay with her for his birthday (Jan. 1).  Now, she feels like she could manage with him but everyone has returned to work and there is no one drive up to FT Worth and get him.  This causes me great pain but this is the one and only area that I have managed to stay out of.  I have a "shut down" switch in my body/heart/mind when it comes to him.  The pain was so bad when he left at age 4 that even now, 9 years later, I "literally" can not deal with it.  I have to go to work today, I do not have the money for airfare, I do not have a solution to this problem.  It took years to stop planning my kidnapping of him and running away to Mexico where no one would find us and I have to kind of shut down in order to keep my sanity when it comes to him.  I don't think it is healthy but I do not have any other coping skills for this one.  This is the "life issue" that comes the closest to touching the welfare of my sobriety.  That's all I want to say about that. 

Today I will go to her house on my lunch break and administer the eye drops and see what she needs, but I am very much looking forward to seeing my desk and co-workers.

9 comments:

Kary May said...

Regarding the grandson, that is so painful. I'll be thinking of you and praying for a solution.

Syd said...

I too hope their is a solution for all of this with the grandson. Take care of yourself, Pammie. Some form of normalcy sounds good to me.

Mary Christine said...

Oh, I hear you with this one.

I am glad you get to see your desk and co-workers. I think I would die without my job.

Mary LA said...

Pam I have something similar (well not that similar but raw and anguished) with my sisters and I have to just take a deep breath and keep my distance. I spent my childhood trying to look after them and wanted to take them with me when I left home and kept trying to stay in touch with them for years -- for some reason I am unable to see them as grown women and go into an emotional tailspin.

Patty said...

Just want you to know, I am still here praying for you and your family. So happy to hear she is getting pain relief and the incision is doing well. The eye surgeon sounds like a good doctor.
Glad you are taking care of yourself too. Enjoy the work routine!
Patty OXOXOXO

Annette said...

Oh Pam, Its all so much ((HUG)) I am sorry. I will be praying for a solution to get her son to her for a visit.

Trailboss said...

I am so sorry to hear this about your precious grandson. Being a grandparent myself and not being able to see my 'step' grandkids anymore is killing me, but I can't do anything about it. I hope a miracle happens and you can see your baby.

Let Go, Let God said...

Still praying, staying close to your posts, and like you, waiting for the miracle, any little miracle that gets you through your day. Love always.

Lou said...

This is a heart breaker. Stay strong. Maybe, maybe something can be worked out. I don't know what else to say, it's such a sad situation.