Friday, December 16, 2011

Nothing but moaning and complaining here


I slept through my alarm yesterday and missed an entire blog-earth rotation because I had to jump in the shower and go.  My nerves (?) are shot right now and I am in unfamiliar territory of shot-nerves-land.

In a compact way here it is:  Sober daughter goes to shrink appointment Wednesday and cries the entire appointment because her meds her "off".  Shrink says she can not change her meds while daughter is hysterical so come back in two weeks.  When she returns to her car she realizes she has $8 for the parking but the parking is $15.  She does not know that the parking attendant will not hold her hostage so she stands by her car and continues crying.  An angel lady walks up and asks her what is wrong and she tells her.  The angel lady gave her the money for parking and stood in the parking lot with her and hugged her while she cried.  Then SD (sober daughter) has to drive straight to retina specialist but goes to the wrong location and locks her keys in her car.  Mind you, I'm on the other end of the cell phone with her through out the day.  We get AAA to the car and she makes her eye appointment one hour late but they see her.  The eye doctor says she has to have emergency surgery the next day to save her vision.  Its a retina buckle surgery (?) done under anesthesia and and overnight stay.  SD comes unglued at the rushness of it all, and so do I.  Her insurance does not extend to the hospital they want, she does not have a GP to get the blood work and pre op stuff done etc. etc. etc.  Finally a very nice woman at the docs office took charge of the logistics and SD calmed down.  They will do the surgery either today or Monday.  Yesterday was her birthday.  Christmas is in a week.  They said she has to go home, lay flat in darkness for the first week and no tilting her head forward at all.  Really????  Really????  I have finally got this suicidal child to leave the dark room, and now this?  I have to figure out a way to be with her during the day to help her.  Her husband is useless.  And I don't like to be in her house (my mothers house) because she has sat in her bed for so long that the house is filthy.  The pipe is broke under the kitchen sink and she and her husband have just piled dishes on the one little counter and in the broke sink for so long that she started stacking them outside in the back yard until now it's not only overwhelming to her but to me as well.  Husbands no help.  Today she has to go back to the eye doc to sign something and then way across town to another place for per op stuff and she has to come by my office for money for all these co pays and gas and I am taking money from areas of my life that I have no business taking money but good grief what choice do I have?  I broke a molar on an almond on Tuesday. I am beside myself with dread about her convalescence and I'm exhausted with the rah rah speeches to help her through this.  Now she will miss her pulminologist appointment next week and she is out of all her asthma meds which they will not refill without seeing her and she was on a mother f'n ventilator two f'n weeks ago.  Oh, and I got shit going on in my own life too.

Thank you for listening.  I will pray my ass off in the shower this morning to stay in this day where God lives.

12 comments:

Marcia said...

OMG. God must have a lot of faith in you and SD.

Patty said...

Sending prayers and a big hug your way Pammie. I wish I lived closer, I would volunteer for the house cleaning job.

Mary Christine said...

Pammie my dear, please take a breath while you are in the shower. I wish I could help you with one little thing - even if it was carting those dishes to my house to run them through the dishwasher.

I can light a candle and pray from where I am - so I will do that.

Lou said...

Your husband is not useless. Neither are your other kids. Or your friends and co workers. Ask for help..sweet upside down cake. Get a few shifts covered next week at SD's house by asking for HELP! Just like the lady in the parking lot (OMG, there are so many like her!), God put other good people around you. They want to be there, if they only knew what to do. Maybe someone from her home group would take a four hour shift.

Screw the dishes, buy paper plates. Call pulmo doctor, he will extend script for a week or two. Christmas is out of the question, so forget about it. Call one of us for a loan if you are down to your last can of beans. (please smile)

Love XOXO

Syd said...

I agree with Lou. The fellowship will surround you and lend a hand. Reach out. You will get through this with a little help from your fellows and your Higher Power. Love you, Pammie.

dAAve said...

If you can think of something for this old guy to help with, just call me.

Kristin H. said...

I'm with Lou. You absolutely cannot do this on your own. You need to ask for help. Your daughter needs to see you ask for help. You're an angel, but your not all powerful. I am praying for you dear lady. Big time.

Annette said...

Don't you just love our blogger world? We all love YOU! We all are just wishing we were closer so we could come and take some of this burden from you...but you do have your program friends and she has her's. So yes, hard as it is...seek help! I LOVE what Kristen said....."Your daughter *needs* to see YOU ask for help." Yes. ((((HUG)))) I wish I was closer so bad!!! I would be in my co-dependent glory and up in your business and doing her dishes in a heartbeat! ;o)

Let Go, Let God said...

You, SD, and your entire family are in my prayers. Love always.

Mrs D said...

I am sending love and support from all the way down in New Zealand. God bless you and your rah rah speeches. You are doing amazing things and you will all get through this. Go easy on yourself if you can. Take care xxxx

Barbara said...

Holy shitolly! I felt overwhelmed and was starting to panic until I read Lou's comment. She's right. AND people do love to help and feel good when you ask them, seriously, I know I do. I'd be there if I could. Hey, where do you live? If your in So Cal I will be there to do something.

Deep breaths, and ask for help. It will be okay, it always is one way or another.

shadow0301 said...

Prayers and Hugs from Japan. Wish I could do more.