Monday, November 28, 2011
Over riding the dope voice
I have decided that four day weekends spent at home is the way to feel revitalized and I am going to plan several these little mini vacas for next year.
Yesterday was my 7th wedding anniversary and we ate all day from a fabulous 15 bean soup that my husband made, and we lit the fireplace for the first time this season, and we went to our local ice cream parlor and had hot fudge sundaes. Good livin'.
I read a lot of blogs yesterday. I broke down and left a long comment to the mother of an addict and feel a little regretful about it this morning. Who am I? Who am I to tell another mother what they should do? It is important to tell fellow addicts/alcoholics and their loved ones that this is MY experience, I hope I made that part clear.
Fear based living is the hardest place to be, the most difficult place to recognize the true from the false. Those of us in a 12 step program know the passage well that speaks about the inability to differentiate the true from the false. How in the world can we expect a "normie" to understand this concept? So many times a normie is sitting in that exact same place, in the "unable to differentiate" place. It is an awful place to be when we can not even trust our own instincts or the quiet voice inside ourselves.
My heart continues to hurt for the alcoholic the drug addict and all those around them caught up in the web.
I can say with certainty that in my experience, God loves the weary, the alcoholic, the addict, the hurting heart of a mother. At twenty years clean and sober, I still have to depend on him to relieve me of the obsession in my mind that tells me that dope will make me feel better today. My mind has never changed, the mind talk is still there and that's the voice I have to give to God everyday. That's the voice I use to connect with other hurting addicts who can not find a way to drown the voice out. I can say "yes, I know that voice" to the newcomer and say "if you are sick of that voice, I can tell help you through the steps that will help you connect to God, who is always always willing to over-ride the voice for you."
Sorry, a little wordy today. Peace Out.