Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I don't know

I'm down hearted this morning. I don't want to be but I am.
Brought "the man" home yesterday and this last episode has taken a big toll on him.  I see fear in his eyes for the first time.  While I was in the kitchen last night, our neighbor came walking through the door quickly without knocking, I did not know that my husband had texted him to come quick.  His blood pressure just dropped so fast that he thought....I don't know what he thought.  Our neighbor is a police Sargent and very good with calmly assessing things and I guess my husband needed that.  They sat and talked and re took his blood pressure a few times and came up with a middle of the night plan if it was needed.  I'm sort of weary of the alertness required of me between my daughter and husbands health, my job and my personal businesses.  I know from sober experience that this weary feeling means I need to carve out a few hours this week for a lunch with friends, or a movie alone, or an extra meeting across town.  I have to feel separate from others pain at times in order to be of real help. It took a long time to learn this but for me it is essential.

I am so grateful to God for my life and sobriety.  I know that today like every day before it, he is beside me, around me and in me for comfort and strength.  Honestly guys.....I don't know what he sees in me but his love is just always right here on me.


Syd said...

Dear Pammie, I know the feeling of weary and worry. So many times I wanted all the "stuff" happening to go away. When people I love are having difficulties, it is hard for me to remember to take care of myself. I hope that you will take care of you by having that time to do something you love. Thinking of you, your hubby and your daughter.

Mary Christine said...

Dear Pammie. I wish we could go to lunch. Maybe we could meet in Amarillo? Love, Mary

Lou said...

Pammie and MC-can we make Amarillo by morning? (nod to George Straight)

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I know too well vigilance is very draining. Also the husband's fear will most likely diminish as time goes by. That is how it goes for most who have a medical scare. I'm sure he is sick of hospitals.


Annette said...

Pam I needed to hear today how you are taking care of yourself. I am also feeling weary....different circumstances, but juggling the needs of so many others. Thanks for sharing your method of survival... Also, I totally see what God see's in you. You are his baby girl and He loves you.

I am praying for you today!

dAAve said...

Do I need to drive you to Amarillo?
Alternatively, you can always come see us at Lambda. I'm chairing the 12:15 Wednesday meeting. Or Saturday night is birthday night (a week earlier this month due to Thanksgiving and our Roundup).

Marcia said...

I like that guy's shirt. I hope you carve out some time... maybe get some neighbors to love on you.

Mary LA said...

We do need to detach at times to stay sane. I hope your husband feels better today.

If you were here, I would make you a bowl of harissa chicken.