Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I don't know
I'm down hearted this morning. I don't want to be but I am.
Brought "the man" home yesterday and this last episode has taken a big toll on him. I see fear in his eyes for the first time. While I was in the kitchen last night, our neighbor came walking through the door quickly without knocking, I did not know that my husband had texted him to come quick. His blood pressure just dropped so fast that he thought....I don't know what he thought. Our neighbor is a police Sargent and very good with calmly assessing things and I guess my husband needed that. They sat and talked and re took his blood pressure a few times and came up with a middle of the night plan if it was needed. I'm sort of weary of the alertness required of me between my daughter and husbands health, my job and my personal businesses. I know from sober experience that this weary feeling means I need to carve out a few hours this week for a lunch with friends, or a movie alone, or an extra meeting across town. I have to feel separate from others pain at times in order to be of real help. It took a long time to learn this but for me it is essential.
I am so grateful to God for my life and sobriety. I know that today like every day before it, he is beside me, around me and in me for comfort and strength. Honestly guys.....I don't know what he sees in me but his love is just always right here on me.