Tuesday, October 4, 2011

My addict mind

Dear Everyone in the whole wide world who has expectations of any kind for me,

I never even hinted that I might be well, so don't hold me to wellness standards please.  I am still the Jaywalker in many areas of my life.  I still embellish events and thank goodness I'm a Texan where this is an art form and not considered lieing.  I'm lazy in any situation that I believe I can get away with it. I always consider the easier softer way before tackling anything. I still firmly believe that a joint would solve a lot of my anxiety issues and I still try to figure out ways in my head to make that OK.  Like a child, I still have moments where I wish I had the power to freeze time, get drunk and start the clock back again without losing my sober time or bringing back the monster of active addiction to my body and spirit.  That is me.  This is why I have to stay as close to God as I can because the only thing on this planet stronger than my addict mind is Almighty God. 

7 comments:

Marcia said...

I think I fit in your world. I recognize it.

Mary Christine said...

Amazing what He can do. I am glad to know you Pammie, because I think we are cut from the same bolt of cloth.

Shadow said...

...i hear ya. felt it. still do. thought it. still do. know too, that there's only one who keeps me on the straight and narrow. and that one, is not me...

Syd said...

I am glad that you are a Jaywalker and the round peg in the square hole. I like that. Certainly I know that I don't have the answers. And few expectations.

Kristin H. said...

I'm feelin' ya on this one, sister. Big time.

Lou said...

Took me years to understand this concept.

Mary LA said...

Hearing you Pammie, I have so much of that too.