Monday, August 8, 2011
I woke up this morning trying to figure out how I would write this and I can not think of a way to say it without sounding stupid so I'll just write it real. I ran into a woman at the convention who I have not seen since I was 10 years sober. She is several years older than me and has 10 more years of sobriety than me. When we saw each other, it was like a "running down the beach" towards each other, movie moment. I did not want to let her go at the end of the convention. When we stopped hugging and sat down, she started saying all these "things" about me from 10 years ago. I immediately felt pain and defensiveness and wanted her to stop talking. She was saying how beautiful my spirit was, how I did not know how loved I was back then by that group and was oblivious to my own beauty........and all of a sudden I just calmed down and let her talk "good stuff about me." I can not hear praise, it hurts me and I will change the subject and divert attention elsewhere immediately. She talked love to me and I received it. I genuinely received it. It felt amazing and not shameful which is all I ever feel when someone speaks to me like this. I told you it would sound stupid.
The convention was amazing, rejuvenating, and successful.