Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Raw

I don't want to complain here.
I want to talk about the wonderful life of sobriety.
I don't feel like I have a place to share stuff lately and I know that it really means I'm not finding a place to share.
I'm "off".
I'm wondering if some of it could be the blood pressure stuff(?)  I'm taking the medicine and my blood pressure is still staying around 167/105.  My mind wants to say "you've tried that and it didn't work."  I don't want to call that doctor and say "maybe this isn't the right medicine for me."
My daughter is so ill right now.  This is something that I can not really talk about here but it's the first time in many years that I've had the real fear that she may not be able to pull herself thru this.  I feel so helpless.
Mental illness will suck every last molecule of hope from your body.
I'm just raw this morning that's all.
I am so grateful that God has given me the ability to put my shoes on and deal with whatever the day brings, for some, that's an impossible task.

8 comments:

Mary Christine said...

I'm sorry you're feeling off Pammie. Life does seem to gang up on us sometimes, but I know it will pass. xoxoxox, mc

Fey said...

I will think some happy thoughts for you today. Send some positive energy your way. Hang in there.

dAAve said...

How about we get together some evening for dinner. You can share, I can listen.

Syd said...

I hope that things will get better for you and your daughter. I am thinking of you both. Take care, Pammie.

Annette said...

(((((HUG))))) I am sorry. Sick kids, no matter how much recovery we have will rock our world. We are parents, its the nature of the beast. The good news is that we have learned where to go and what to do to find our serenity again.

I am praying for you and your daughter. You are so loved here in this little blogger world of ours.

PS: In my experience with high bp's, the dr should be called and updated. Just sayin....

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

The feeling of off SUCKS ROCKS DRY IN THE DESERT

I know, I've been there for weeks, nay... a couple months now with brief interludes of rainbow in the midst.

I will pray for your daughter, and for you. You are ... on my list of kindred spirits, and I do thank God for you daily.

I kinda like the thought of a country, connected by blogs, covered in prayer for those in need of seeing, feeling and experiencing the supernatural direction of God, it feel... much more awesome this way.

From TX to SC the want and need of the palpable experience reaches, from SC to TX the power of that supernatural need and direction reaches back to hold on and make it bigger and stronger than the darkness. It's not a tactile hug, but it's the best I got.

I will however, be glad to send a small encouraging anonymous gift to her if you are willing to share her address (robinson1jl@gmail.com).

That sounds insanely small and trivial as I type it. There was once an anonymous home made may basket hung on my door (it was home made and child like and beautiful in that way that only a god given gift can be) and it saved me on a day when I thought nothing was left. The spirit carried with the love and kindness of that home-made basket hung randomly by a stranger who had no idea who the person living there really was or of the destructive thinking that day brought.

Random gifts at random intervals, encouraging hope, well ... I'd be glad to share what I can from a far off place anonymously given if you are willing to provide an address.

Any girl who paints the kitchen like she did, well that's a girl who thinks like I do. Only I buy and wear weird socks cause it's the only way I can fearlessly begin to color outside the lines again. :)

She's a courageous gift!

Lou said...

I'm worried about both of you.

Finding "help" in the mental health system is daunting. I hope she has support.

Patty said...

Saying a prayer for you and your daughter, and hoping you take Daave up on his dinner offer. I have been in the place you are in and it does pass, in God's time as you know. Lovin you more than ever Pammie :)