Friday, July 22, 2011
I Have Been Sad
I have been sad.
I think it is just that simple. "Sad" comes out in me in many shapes and forms, none of which are appropriate to the way I'm feeling.
Stress can be exciting and motivating when my frame of mind is "bring it on!"
Stress when I'm sad is just a grand piano sitting on my head.
I had an asthma attack out of the blue yesterday and it helped put some stuff in perspective for me.
Before going to bed I wrote a gratitude list and once I got started I realized just how much I have to be grateful for.
I have felt tremendous guilt about all the time I've wasted the last two weeks, painting sticks and locust shells and reams of paper and it dawned on me that it is a perfectly acceptable coping skill. I paint and glue my way through painful emotions until the feelings are painted and glued to something other than me. It is time consuming yes, but it works for me and I need to be OK with that.
I went wordlessly to God last night with just my exposed heart. Imagine, a mighty God who needs nothing more than to see our hurting heart to know what we need.