Friday, July 22, 2011

I Have Been Sad

I have been sad.
I think it is just that simple.  "Sad" comes out in me in many shapes and forms, none of which are appropriate to the way I'm feeling.
Stress can be exciting and motivating when my frame of mind is "bring it on!"
Stress when I'm sad is just a grand piano sitting on my head.
I had an asthma attack out of the blue yesterday and it helped put some stuff in perspective for me.
Before going to bed I wrote a gratitude list and once I got started I realized just how much I have to be grateful for.

I have felt tremendous guilt about all the time I've wasted the last two weeks, painting sticks and locust shells and reams of paper and it dawned on me that it is a perfectly acceptable coping skill.  I paint and glue my way through painful emotions until the feelings are painted and glued to something other than me.  It is time consuming yes, but it works for me and I need to be OK with that.

I went wordlessly to God last night with just my exposed heart.  Imagine, a mighty God who needs nothing more than to see our hurting heart to know what we need.


Marcia said...

Love this post, Pammie. God knows our hearts.

Anonymous said...

In treatment, art is often used as a form of therapy. It stands to reason that someone who is highly creative like yourself would turn to that in a time of stress.

I understand your guilt, though. I was raised by parents and married to a man who were always wanting to know why I wasn't doing something more productive with the hours of my day. I have been left with the feeling that if I'm not making money, working on the house, etc etc. then I'm just wasting my time.

Big hug, Pam.

Mary Christine said...

I think God sometimes hears us best when we come to Him wordlessly. Take care Pammie.

Syd said...

I don't do much that is super productive anymore. I used to make Productive my goal. Now I just go with the flow. I like the Flow much better. I feel freer, more alive, and much more thoughtful. Hope that the sad will pass as you glue and paint more.

dAAve said...

Good for you. Now you can put away that sledgehammer.

Lou said...

A gratitude list is a game changer! You sound better..Here is to tomorrow being a brand new day.

Hugs & Kisses

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

:) Isn't it funny to know that the stuff kids do to get by (painting, gluing, dressing up) these are things we adults still use to "feel better" a bit, to be distracted and change attitude a bit until God is revealed and the tide changes.

:) Sometimes art slows us to a meditative state. :)