Friday, June 10, 2011
In yesterdays post I was trying to explain how strong of a feeling the "odd man out" can be. I speak and write in analogies, why I don't know. This is all on my mind because I am staring down another sober birthday and for some reason I am still trying to explain my addiction.
You are standing at the Lottery office waiting for them to open and you are secretly holding a 100 million dollar winning ticket. That is the anticipation I felt every single time I smoked or banged dope. In early recovery when people would say "you have so much to look forward to!" Really? Because obviously they have never stood with a 100 million dollar ticket and felt that kind of "looking forward to" before.
"My husband won't talk to me about his feelings and never helps around the house, so I shop." Really? One of my husbands died, one ran off with another woman and one stood me up on our wedding night, so shut up.
I understand believe me, when normies say that a big family gathering for the birthday party of the most precious three year old in the world is enormous fun and filled with love, but there were times when I was using that I flew through the air in glorious bursts of light, head up, arms back, through the atmosphere, stopping just short of the moon licking it and looking down on the earth. Balloons just don't compare.
Little did I know of the amazing ride I would find in recovery with other moon lickers and the like.