Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Death ain't one of them


Three more days until my sober birthday (20 freakin' years) and some (not many) crazies are dancing in my head.

I can visualize myself back then.  My body was so dirty from months of daily crack smoking.  You may not know that a crack head can not stand the feel of water on their skin.  My pants were a size 2 and they hung loose.  My fingers were blistered from the hot pipe.

My heart hurt from missing myself.  The shame was all consuming. I believed with every fiber of my being that there was no way out, no path to redemption, no hope.

An addict is afraid of many things.  Death ain't one of them.

8 comments:

Lou said...

Wow.

Wow.

Mary Christine said...

Nope. Death aint one of them.

Kristin H. said...

God bless your recovered soul. You are a miracle.

Sober Julie said...

Your post is startling in it's truth, I thank you for sharing and thank God for bringing you through it all one day at a time.

StaZ said...

I'm so grateful you found the way. My life would be so much less without you. XOXO

Kitty said...

I remember reading your letters to yourself leading up to your recovery from your last blog. Wish you still had those posts, they were powerful!

Let Go, Let God said...

As my anniversary approaches I am doing the same reminiscing. Beautiful that you've come so far in your daily reprieve from active addiction. There is hope.

Syd said...

I am glad that you are here today. What a miracle due to God's grace.